Single Mothers
Alejandra Carmona Collado- Sociedad Psicoanalítica de México- Originally published on October 4, 2007.
In ancient times and even today in certain contexts, single mothers are victims of discrimination, based on different origins, from religious mandates to social prejudices.
In many societies today there is a body of law that eliminates discrimination against single mothers and their children, and even some national governments (even in Third World countries) have institutionalized support programs for female-headed households, including state aid, scholarships for children, bank loans for women to start small and medium-sized businesses, and others.
Likewise, it is becoming increasingly common for a woman to decide to establish a family without the presence of a man, and society's opinion on the subject is becoming more open and receptive.
Single mothers number about 880,000 women. About nine out of ten have children under the age of 18, and six out of ten live in their parent's household. Almost all of them work (71.8%), and although three out of ten live in poverty, this proportion is slightly lower than the national average of mothers with children at home (35.4%).
The psychological context
There are different mothers who are single. There is the celibate mother, often financially and morally independent, who, after a quick affair that was not well accepted, keeps her child and dispenses with the man. (Soulé, 1972) She has chosen her own fate, at least consciously; and she haughtily claims her right to raise her child alone.
Another case is that of the weak woman who, in a moment of abandonment or confusion, through ignorance or due to circumstances, discovers that she is a mother without retaining the support she was counting on. Her more general destiny is to marry later or to maintain another type of lasting relationship and to finally find again the support she desired. Sensible help in terms of material, moral, psychological and social projects, will enable this young mother to get through the first difficult months and years (Soulé, 1972).
Finally, there is the poor mother whose mental, affective and professional possibilities are scarce. She lacks any real autonomy and is socially at the mercy of all influences. Very often she has had one or more children in analogous circumstances, and anything that can be done for her will run up against an absence of personal structure, lack of will and mediocre possibilities.
Mother's psycho-social problems
It is difficult to outline the psychosocial problems of the single mother. Indeed, there are very different types of single mothers: from the young woman who for personal reasons wants a child, but not marriage, and raises it in that perspective, to the poor passive woman who gives birth to children by chance encounters, without this modifying the course of her life.
Material conditions
For a single woman a child is a great burden. The single mother is obliged to work. Her working hours must cover the cost of supporting herself and her child, as well as the cost of child care during her work.
Professional position
Many single mothers have an excellent professional position; sometimes quite a brilliant situation.
Most statistics are based on a certain class of single mothers who use social services, child support services, maternity homes and mothers' homes (March-Weyl, 1972).
The single mother facing society
In general, in Mexican society, premarital sexual relations are not accepted. By giving birth to a child out of wedlock, two essential norms of society are transgressed: extramarital sexual relations, and the guilt is double when these relations end in pregnancy.
The degree and manifestations of disapproval of extramarital sexual relations vary from one society to another.
The problems faced by single mothers
Single mothers face a lot of problems, which they have to deal with automatically in order to get ahead.
In these times, the formation of families has been changing, with more single mothers facing this challenge. Other women who began their lives with a constituted marriage, must also face the challenge alone when the marriage breaks up.
The overload is a characteristic of the single mother, she must assume domestic, educational, economic, etc., functions that she has no one to share with, so they occupy almost all her free time, resulting in the mother having just enough time and no time for her personal and social life, causing her to distance herself from her friends and the consequent feeling of loneliness and abandonment. Some women even think of devoting 100% of their time to their child because they do not believe they can find a partner who will accept their child (Sharp, 1972).
Single mothers are alone in dealing with their problems. In addition, because they have to do too much work by themselves, they have no time to socialize so they feel more and more lonely. This loneliness is one of the most frequent problems among single mothers. It is as if they fall into a vicious circle that does not allow them to meet new people and feel supported.
Because they are alone with their child, single mothers need others to help them fulfill their role as both mother and father. They need to work and care for their child without the support of a partner. Generally, single mothers become dependent on their fathers, i.e., the baby's grandparents, and this can sometimes be very frustrating because mothers may feel that they have no say over their children. This encourages mothers to develop low self-esteem because they do not feel capable of fulfilling all the tasks of being a single parent.
Another problem faced by single mothers is the desire to rebuild their lives, where sometimes this becomes their new goal, rushing into the search for a partner with whom they can have a "normal" family, receive affection and give their child a father figure. Some single mothers believe that by quickly finding a partner all their problems will be solved, but it usually ends in failure, since it is necessary for the new partner to build an affective bond with both the mother and the child in order to form a strong and lasting relationship.
In conclusion, I would like to add that single mothers make up a considerable percentage of the mother population. It is important that they seek the necessary support so that they do not feel so lonely and helpless. They should be able to find a space where friendships are fostered to provide them with an outlet for their happiness and peace of mind.
Nowadays, single mothers are more common. It is very common for independent women to decide to have children without the participation of a man or their partners.
Although it is important to mention that this situation affects the children, who also face many difficulties due to the lack of the presence of a father to help in the separation with their mother.
Are you looking for psychological therapy to face the challenges of motherhood?
Bibliography
- March-Weyl, S. (1972) Psychosocial Problems of the Mother. In The Single Mother and her
Son. International Children's Center. Humanitas, Buenos Aires.
- Sharp, G. (1972). The Single Mother Facing Society. In The Single Mother and her
Son. International Children's Center. Humanitas, Buenos Aires.
- Soulé, M. (1972) Single Mother or Celibate Mother? In The Single Mother and her Child.
International Children's Center. Humanitas, Buenos Aires.
- Terkelsen, H. (1967). Counseling the Unwed Mother. Fortress Press, Philadelphia
- Young, L. (1954). Out of Wedlock. Mc-GrawHill, New York
